The Music That Shaped Me
Music has always been a significant part of my life. I, obviously, love the written word, but music has been and forever will be my first love. To quote Alex Belew of the band Reckless Eden because I couldn’t have said it better myself, “Music was always my first my love. I’m the kind of human that gets goosebumps when a song hits and can be teleported to a specific time in life when the right song is on. Music moves me like nothing else. It can take me to tears or make me want to move mountains.” Unlike Alex, I’m not actually talented at music, but still at any given moment, there’s a good chance I have a song blasting through the speakers somewhere while belting it out with my terrible singing voice.
There was always music playing in our home when I was growing up. I grew up listening to Motown and classic rock. I love hearing my mom play piano, and my dad plays bass. One of his friends used to come to the house, and they’d jam for hours.
When my parents took me to my first concert at the age of six, my world changed. Nothing compares to that feeling when the music is so loud you can feel the vibration of it through your whole being. I live for that.
One of the bands at that concert was The Doobie Brothers. I became obsessed with them. I wore out my dad’s cassette tape. I still have it to this day (though it doesn’t get played anymore). And I named at least three pets (a dog, a rabbit, and a fish) all Doobie. Knowing what that means now, I can’t believe my parents let me name them that!
This next part is hard for me to admit, but for a brief period that I like to pretend didn’t exist, I was into boy bands. I’ll chalk it up to the fact that a certain boy-bander’s grandmother and great aunt were family friends who gifted me autographs, making my socially-outcast-self slightly cool for one fleeting moment.
As a teenager, my brother introduced me to bands like Linkin Park and Breaking Benjamin. He never got those CDs back, and Linkin Park went on to define my high school years. (I was in the hospital when I learned of Chester’s death. I’d never grieved a celebrity’s death so hard.) My brother also introduced me to aftermarket car audio systems. Everyone knew when I was coming, and man do I miss that (not the attention, but the level and quality of sound).
One day when I was eighteen, my brother said, “Hey, come check out this new song,” and then played “I Dare You” by Shinedown. It was the first time I’d heard them, and it was love at first listen. I’ve now seen them in concert five times.
A few years ago, at the time when I was struggling with my mental health more than ever, I discovered a band called Fame on Fire. Their lyrics resonated so deeply with me. A short time after that, I had my first miscarriage. Their song “Not Dead Yet” became my raw, honest cry to God. Linkin Park’s “Heavy” and “Lost,” Shinedown’s “Daylight,” Papa Roach’s “Leave a Light On” and “Help,” and Brandon Lake’s entire “Help!” album also got me through that time. Songs like “As You Are,” “Cry For Help,” and “Pieces” by Daughtry have helped me too. I can’t name everyone, but artists such as Thousand Foot Krutch, Pop Evil, and NF have impacted me as well.
I won’t say that music saved me, because Jesus did that. But God has definitely used it to lift me up when I’ve been down, to encourage me when I’ve felt hopeless, and to let me know that I’m not alone. Whether I’m seeking comfort or an outlet for my emotions or simply wanting to rock out, music is always there for every feeling and through every stage of life. And I have worshipped God through the authentic lyrics of “secular” hard rock just as much as I have through any song labeled Christian music.
“Music speaks what cannot be expressed. It soothes the mind and gives it rest. It heals the heart and makes it whole. It flows from heaven to heal the soul.”